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Source: Match.com Official Site

By Nina Malkin

Few holidays arouse the vitriol of Valentine’s Day. No matter where you are relationship-wise, you may be feeling the pressure—and a burning desire to swat Cupid right on his little rear end. But take heart (sorry!). Your V-Day sentiments of sadness, anger or simple annoyance are justified, and — more importantly — there are plenty of ways to cope and feel some love this February 14. Here’s how:

If you’re suddenly solo…
Breakups suck, but they suck the most right about now. If your relationship just fell apart, even an innocuous Hershey’s kiss has the power to sock your self-esteem. “Why do I hate Valentine’s Day? Because I’m alone! Thanks for reminding me!” snaps Maura D., 27, who lives near Baltimore. Ease the angst by reaching out to friends and family. “There is love in your life, a lot of it,” says Santa Barbara, CA–based marriage therapist and coach Wendy Allen, Ph.D. “Celebrate the people who love you, no matter what.”

Since V-Day hype can hurt, protect rather than punish yourself. “Have very little media interaction and avoid the public arena if possible, so you’re not faced by all the hoopla,” suggests Boston-based career and relationship coach Suzanne Blake. “Have friends over for a potluck dinner or to watch DVDs rather than go out to eat or to the movies,” amid all the goo-goo-eyed lovers.

If you’re a social butterfly…
Maybe you’re dating around, having fun—but searching for The One isn’t your priority at present. Or maybe you just don’t appreciate being told that there’s a certain date where you have to rev up the romance. “Valentine’s Day makes romance feel like an obligation,” says Ruthie A., from Oahu, HI. “Love is not an obligation, and I don’t need some overblown money-making business telling me when to do romantic things.”

Unfortunately, the V-Day marketing machine is cranked up to give you the guilts. You may even believe the holiday is a conspiracy spearheaded by your mother to get you to settle down. “Like it or not, Valentine’s Day is a defining moment—a time to take stock of your love life,” says Blake. “It can be hard to go against the grain.” If you’re really into playing the field, dare to be date-free on V-Day. “Show off your independence by going out solo as you might on any other night of the year or with a buddy,” says Blake. “It sends a good message to people less secure about being single.”

If you’re dating someone new…
There’s enough pressure on those who’ve recently started seeing someone. Then V-Day comes along to up the ante. If you have a new sweetie, you can’t help but wonder: “Should I ask him/her out for Valentine’s Day? If I do, what does it mean? Is it possible to treat February 14 like any other day? Are gifts, cards, the whole nine yards required?” It’s easy to misstep, as did a wealthy client of Blake’s who bought a woman he was casually dating expensive earrings as a V-Day gift. “He thought that’s what he was supposed to do, but she thought it meant they were a rock-solid couple and put a lot of expectations on the relationship he wasn’t ready to deliver on.”

Moral of the story? Keep it low-key. “If you’re dating someone new, don’t ignore the holiday—that won’t work,” says Allen. “Instead, reframe it. Decide to celebrate your new friendship, not love.” One idea: You and your date can buy some stuffed animals and take them to the children’s unit at your local hospital. Doing service with someone offers insight into the person, and being around those less fortunate may make you forget Valentine’s Day drama.

If you’re contentedly coupled…
Yes, even members of blissful twosomes can abhor the holiday. “I hate Valentine’s Day,” vents happily married Matt M., 39, from New York City. “You’re supposed to feel romantic in the face of all those schlocky pink lace decorations? Yuck. Talk about how to take something special and make it feel silly and commercial!” Adds Catherine E., 38, of Los Angeles, who’s engaged: “It isn’t enough to make a simple gesture. Now it feels as if you have to show everyone how much you care.” In fact, it can feel as if doing less than long-stemmed roses, candlelit dinner and $40-a-pound truffles is downright uncaring.

When expensive gifts and fancy dinners feel de rigueur, what couple wouldn’t want to snuggle at home watching Metalocalypse on DVD? That’s definitely an option. As Blake suggests: “Bond by doing the most un-V-day-oriented thing you can think of—have a sports marathon, go shopping for a refrigerator. Dare to break the mold—do something goofy and different to declare your independence as a couple.”

By following these tips, hopefully you can break away from feeling beset by Valentine’s Day—and enjoy the 14th in an unconventional way.

Nina Malkin is author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.

Source: Match.com Official Site

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By Lisa Daily

A new trend shows smart, educated women are choosing to have children by themselves in record numbers.

And so, of course, politicians and self-proclaimed “family values advocates” are predicting certain doom in the form of delinquent, uneducated kids living below the poverty level. But this doesn’t have to be the reality.

Is single parenthood a good choice?

A good friend of mine recently became a mother for the first time. She is over 40, educated at Cambridge and financially secure. She is also unmarried and plans to stay that way.

Before I met her, I always thought of single mothers as the responsible parents in unfortunate circumstances — the ones who kept care of their children through divorce or a surprise pregnancy.

But I also joked to my girlfriends (who hasn’t?) that if I didn’t meet the right guy by the time I hit 35, I’d head on down to my local sperm bank and take care of matters myself.

I would rather be a mother alone than try to do it with the wrong guy.

And while many of us grew up believing that the average family consists of Mom, Dad, a couple of kids and a dog named Rover, in reality, those types of families are now in the minority.

Even in 1995, the New England Journal of Medicine was reporting, “Public figures depict the typical American household as though it consisted of married couples and their children; in fact, such families make up only 26 per cent of American households.

Similarly, according to the 2000 Bureau of the Census, non-marital cohabitation, separation, and divorce have become more common, as has remarriage. Children living with only one parent (24 per cent) or with “melded” sibships of children from several families (15 per cent) are increasing in number; half of all children in the United States lived or will live with only one parent before reaching adulthood. Most one-parent families (86 per cent) are headed by mothers.”

The New England Journal of Medicine also reported that out-of-wedlock births are not just an American phenomenon. “Rates in the United Kingdom, Canada, and France are about the same as those in the United States; rates in Sweden and Denmark are more than 50 per cent higher. The structure of the family is changing rapidly throughout the Western world.”

Bad for the kids?

There’s a mountain of research suggesting children raised by single mothers are more likely to suffer from poverty, poor grades and psychological problems. However, a 1998 U.S. study at Ohio State University found that the problems were not related so much to the lack of a father but rather to other background factors, such as income, education and occupational prestige. Douglas Downey, co-author of the study said, “Parents with higher socioeconomic status are usually better positioned to create positive family environments.”

Cornell researcher Henry Ricciuti says what matters most “is a mother’s education and ability level and, to a lesser extent, family income and quality of the home environment.” Ricciuti found links between those factors and a child’s school performance and behavior, regardless of race.

While much research is focused on single-parent families created by divorce or death, researchers are just beginning to look at single parents by choice.

Louise Sloan, author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-all Guide To Becoming A Single Mom says, “I think when a family is set up differently from the beginning — it’s not the traumatic thing that happens when you lose a dad.”

And the reality is we’ve all seen single parents who make it work. They raise great kids, and they do it all by themselves.

But does opting into motherhood mean you’re opting out of marriage?

Read more »

By Nick Krewen

Ladies, despite rumors to the contrary, we men are very easy to please when it comes to dating.

Basically, you’re looking at two essentials: nudity and a six-pack. And since some of us aren’t actually drinkers, you can usually forego the brewskis and cut right to the chase.

Yes, some of us cave-dwellers like the simple things in life: A good steak. A 52-inch Widescreen LCD HDTV with SurroundSound and a 5.1 Home Theatre System with enough woofer and tweeter rumble to detach our skulls from our spines.

Maybe a couple of floor seats to an NBA game. Or a sexy woman who shows up at our door wearing nothing but a smile, an oversized trench coat and a pair of thigh-high leather boots.

Show up with all four and watch our eyes light up like a Vegas slot machine and you’ll be guaranteed that all-important second call. Heck, because of your initial consideration, we may even call you when we say we will. And if that isn’t a prize, I don’t know what qualifies.

And maybe… just maybe… we’ll let you hold the remote.

OK, OK — so perhaps I’m being a little extreme. Maybe you’re just a little too shy to venture into Adam and Eve territory on the first date… especially if it’s a blind one and you don’t even know his name.

Like I said before, it doesn’t take rocket science to satisfy us. Here are five suggestions for nudity-optional date scenarios that will let him know you’re at least thinking on his wavelength.

By the way, these are strictly for the men who ooze machismo. Wimps not need apply.

1. RibFest Date

They say the quickest way to get to a man is through his stomach, and nothing gratifies a guy-gut quicker than hickory-smoked venison smothered in BBQ sauce. RibFests are ideal because not only do they offer a number of mouth-watering choices symbolic of the hunt, they also provide endless amounts of eye candy for both you and him in case you get bored.

Helpful Hint: Steer him away from the baked beans side dish.

2. WWE Wrestling Date

Nothing says “macho’ quite like the sight of two bloodthirsty, steroid-induced goliaths battling it out for scripted glory. It’s not so much the fact that arena-shaking body slams and my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours stare-downs heighten the adrenaline rush. It’s the sense of competitive one-upmanship and the lesson that people can get ahead in life without resorting to cheating and chair-shots to the head. Had you there, didn’t I? Who are we kidding, it’s about the gore! Grrr!

Helpful Hint: Pick up one of those gaudy WWE championship belts during intermission, and hand it to him as a prize for pinning your shoulders to the late-night mat, if you understand my drift. After all, we’re all Booker T’s just looking for our Queen Sharmel. You’ll forever be his Valet of the Dolls.

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