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By Lisa Daily

A new trend shows smart, educated women are choosing to have children by themselves in record numbers.

And so, of course, politicians and self-proclaimed “family values advocates” are predicting certain doom in the form of delinquent, uneducated kids living below the poverty level. But this doesn’t have to be the reality.

Is single parenthood a good choice?

A good friend of mine recently became a mother for the first time. She is over 40, educated at Cambridge and financially secure. She is also unmarried and plans to stay that way.

Before I met her, I always thought of single mothers as the responsible parents in unfortunate circumstances — the ones who kept care of their children through divorce or a surprise pregnancy.

But I also joked to my girlfriends (who hasn’t?) that if I didn’t meet the right guy by the time I hit 35, I’d head on down to my local sperm bank and take care of matters myself.

I would rather be a mother alone than try to do it with the wrong guy.

And while many of us grew up believing that the average family consists of Mom, Dad, a couple of kids and a dog named Rover, in reality, those types of families are now in the minority.

Even in 1995, the New England Journal of Medicine was reporting, “Public figures depict the typical American household as though it consisted of married couples and their children; in fact, such families make up only 26 per cent of American households.

Similarly, according to the 2000 Bureau of the Census, non-marital cohabitation, separation, and divorce have become more common, as has remarriage. Children living with only one parent (24 per cent) or with “melded” sibships of children from several families (15 per cent) are increasing in number; half of all children in the United States lived or will live with only one parent before reaching adulthood. Most one-parent families (86 per cent) are headed by mothers.”

The New England Journal of Medicine also reported that out-of-wedlock births are not just an American phenomenon. “Rates in the United Kingdom, Canada, and France are about the same as those in the United States; rates in Sweden and Denmark are more than 50 per cent higher. The structure of the family is changing rapidly throughout the Western world.”

Bad for the kids?

There’s a mountain of research suggesting children raised by single mothers are more likely to suffer from poverty, poor grades and psychological problems. However, a 1998 U.S. study at Ohio State University found that the problems were not related so much to the lack of a father but rather to other background factors, such as income, education and occupational prestige. Douglas Downey, co-author of the study said, “Parents with higher socioeconomic status are usually better positioned to create positive family environments.”

Cornell researcher Henry Ricciuti says what matters most “is a mother’s education and ability level and, to a lesser extent, family income and quality of the home environment.” Ricciuti found links between those factors and a child’s school performance and behavior, regardless of race.

While much research is focused on single-parent families created by divorce or death, researchers are just beginning to look at single parents by choice.

Louise Sloan, author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-all Guide To Becoming A Single Mom says, “I think when a family is set up differently from the beginning — it’s not the traumatic thing that happens when you lose a dad.”

And the reality is we’ve all seen single parents who make it work. They raise great kids, and they do it all by themselves.

But does opting into motherhood mean you’re opting out of marriage?

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By Nick Krewen

Ladies, despite rumors to the contrary, we men are very easy to please when it comes to dating.

Basically, you’re looking at two essentials: nudity and a six-pack. And since some of us aren’t actually drinkers, you can usually forego the brewskis and cut right to the chase.

Yes, some of us cave-dwellers like the simple things in life: A good steak. A 52-inch Widescreen LCD HDTV with SurroundSound and a 5.1 Home Theatre System with enough woofer and tweeter rumble to detach our skulls from our spines.

Maybe a couple of floor seats to an NBA game. Or a sexy woman who shows up at our door wearing nothing but a smile, an oversized trench coat and a pair of thigh-high leather boots.

Show up with all four and watch our eyes light up like a Vegas slot machine and you’ll be guaranteed that all-important second call. Heck, because of your initial consideration, we may even call you when we say we will. And if that isn’t a prize, I don’t know what qualifies.

And maybe… just maybe… we’ll let you hold the remote.

OK, OK — so perhaps I’m being a little extreme. Maybe you’re just a little too shy to venture into Adam and Eve territory on the first date… especially if it’s a blind one and you don’t even know his name.

Like I said before, it doesn’t take rocket science to satisfy us. Here are five suggestions for nudity-optional date scenarios that will let him know you’re at least thinking on his wavelength.

By the way, these are strictly for the men who ooze machismo. Wimps not need apply.

1. RibFest Date

They say the quickest way to get to a man is through his stomach, and nothing gratifies a guy-gut quicker than hickory-smoked venison smothered in BBQ sauce. RibFests are ideal because not only do they offer a number of mouth-watering choices symbolic of the hunt, they also provide endless amounts of eye candy for both you and him in case you get bored.

Helpful Hint: Steer him away from the baked beans side dish.

2. WWE Wrestling Date

Nothing says “macho’ quite like the sight of two bloodthirsty, steroid-induced goliaths battling it out for scripted glory. It’s not so much the fact that arena-shaking body slams and my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours stare-downs heighten the adrenaline rush. It’s the sense of competitive one-upmanship and the lesson that people can get ahead in life without resorting to cheating and chair-shots to the head. Had you there, didn’t I? Who are we kidding, it’s about the gore! Grrr!

Helpful Hint: Pick up one of those gaudy WWE championship belts during intermission, and hand it to him as a prize for pinning your shoulders to the late-night mat, if you understand my drift. After all, we’re all Booker T’s just looking for our Queen Sharmel. You’ll forever be his Valet of the Dolls.

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By Shawn Conner

“Everything in life has an expiry date.”

So says author and lecturer Paul Talbot. And he’s right. Whether it’s milk or relationships, sometimes you just have to let it go to clear the space for something new.

And applying some of the principles in Talbot’s book, Clear the Clutter and Simplify Your Life can help you sort through your love life, to jettison what’s not working and concentrate on what is.

In his seminars and workshops, the British-born, Vancouver-based Talbot teaches people how to simplify their lives in six basic areas: household, lifestyle, career, health, finance and relationships. “Clutter has a domino effect,” says Talbot, who calls himself “a clutter therapist.”

“If you have clutter in other areas of your life as well as in relationships, it often means you’re not focused, and you’re usually very scattered.”

With that in mind, we’ve come up with some areas where readers can prune, cull, reassess and reconfigure for ultimate dating success. Or at least a cleaner desk.

Image

You want to attract the opposite sex? Maybe it’s time to throw out that Blue Öyster Cult concert jersey, velour tracksuit and bottle of Drakkar Noir.

“If you haven’t worn it in a year, let it go,” says Talbot. “You don’t want to look like one of the homeless — you want to look like you’ve got your life together.” The same applies to old scents and makeup past its expiry date. He also recommends hiring an image consultant to help select some new threads.

“Sometimes you need someone who can be objective to do this for you,” he says. We often listen to our friends, he says, but maybe we shouldn’t. “Maybe there’s a little jealousy there — maybe you earn more money or are in a better position financially than they are.” Which means maybe you don’t look so great in those pants. Sucker.

Home

Do you have to step over piles of dirty clothes just to get to the pile of less-dirty clothes? Are you really ever going to read through those back issues of Wired? And what about that thing-slash-science fair project in the fridge?

“If you’re living in a cluttered environment, the chances of you bringing someone home if you get lucky are pretty close to zero because you’re embarrassed about your place,” says Talbot, cutting to the chase. “Once you clear up your physical environment you feel better about yourself, and it becomes a pleasure to come home. And to bring someone back to it.”

Friends

Floss your cell phone contact list, whittle down your online social network and stop hanging out with those nabobs of negativity. It sounds brutal, but maybe it’s time to lose that pal who’s always going on about how all women are gold diggers or all men are players or how much your city sucks when it comes to meeting people.

“I have learned over the years that people who are negative, who are always criticizing or condemning or telling you how to live your life or who to associate with… are the worst offenders,” says Talbot. “They suck you dry. They’re not happy in their own life, and they want to make everybody else miserable.” It’s not easy to say goodbye to people you’ve known for a long time. But sometimes, says Talbot, “You have to be cruel to be kind.”

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